I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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