Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
