He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
