i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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