Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
