Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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