everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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