it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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