Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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