Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
then he tried to convert me to islam
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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