You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
