The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
