and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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