he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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