What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
