It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
