Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize