I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
