He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
