Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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