before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
