God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
