my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
