Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
