Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
