Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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