If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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