There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
