in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
