Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
