i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
