ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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