god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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