Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize