I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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