I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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