My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
