apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
