Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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