bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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