Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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