Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
