Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize