I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
