I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
