Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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