low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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