Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
