there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize