it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
