I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
