I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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