and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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