first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
