I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
