Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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