apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
