were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
