mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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