I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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