quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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