apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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