my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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